By the time Democracy for the Citizens’ Party (DCP) leader Rigathi “RiggyG” Gachagua, EGH touches down on Thursday, he may find that Kenya has mutated into a parody of itself. Here is what Irungu Nyakera thinks
RiggyG, in your brief absence…
1. Parliament was converted into a supermarket. Not metaphorically — literally. The Head of State himself admitted that MPs are “shopping” with KES 10 million bribes to pass bills. Democracy, now on wholesale discount.
2. Police discovered that democracy is a crime. Peaceful DCP meetings in Mt. Kenya were baptised with teargas. Freedom of assembly seems to have been quietly deleted from the Constitution.
3. Your foot soldiers became terrorists. DCP legislators were arrested, not for carrying guns, but for carrying politics. Somewhere in the Penal Code, “opposition” must now be defined as “terrorism.”
4. KES 11 billion pulled a vanishing act. The money evaporated from e-Citizen, and like a good Kenyan magic show, the audience was told to clap instead of asking questions.
5. Free basic education was quietly buried. The grave is unmarked, but the ghost of the promise still haunts classrooms.
6. Over 100,000 university students are stranded. With a KES 13.7 billion HELB shortfall, they’ve been told to choose between degrees and despair.
7. The courts said “No” to the 2.75% SHA levy. But Aden Duale insists deductions must continue. In other words, the Constitution is now an opinion, not a law.
RiggyG, this is only the highlight reel. By Thursday when you land, only God knows what else will have gone wrong. Kenya seems to be in a speed race to outdo itself in absurdity.
So please, hurry back — if only to confirm that satire has not completely replaced governance.
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