Dear Aunt Magda,
Am a military officer who has served in Gilgil but recently got a commission and moved to Department of Defence Headquarters (DoD) in Nairobi.
I’ve been married to the same woman for thirteen years and we have four children.
In 2018 I went to Somalia under UNISOM II and was away for eight months. When I got back my wife was eight months pregnant and she claimed to have conceived on the very night I left.
I had my own reservations but since I did not want to find out the painful truth, I let it ride. She gave birth to a boy, our third born.
Let me make it clear that when I met my wife in 2011 she had a one-year-old baby girl whom she conceived with a classmate while in college. The man never took full responsibility for the upkeep although on and off they would see each other claiming it was their first love and that kind of sentimental reasoning.
We wedded officially in September 2012 and I made it clear that she had to stop seeing the father of her child as I was fully prepared to take care of both my wife and her daughter. That was our agreement.
Recently, I borrowed a friend’s car to go buy motor vehicle spares on Kirinyagah Road. As fate would have it, I chanced upon my wife coming out of this dingy lodging house run by Rwandese citizens. My shock was such that I could not move.
She passed by barely within arm’s reach as I sat transfixed in the driver’s seat. A short while later the ex emerged and took a different direction.
I know am strong but that sight crashed me. For days I could not look her in the eyes and we didn’t speak or share the same bed.
A week ago I went back sleeping in our bedroom but I still couldn’t bring myself to touch her.
For the sake of protecting my identity let’s say my wife offers consultancy services and mainly works from home. She never goes out a lot but when she does, she moves around in different parts of the city and sometimes stays out late. The thought of what she might have been upto and where now tormented me.
Because we both don’t sleep much, lately, one night she spoke in the middle of the night without turning towards me.
“I know you think I had s3x with him. I didn’t. We just spoke…. about the child.”
I could hear the ring of truth in her voice and I wanted so badly to convince myself that she was telling the truth. I had also abstained for more than a month and my body was aching with desire.
We grabbed each other and had the steamiest, most passionate s3x of our life. When we were done she kept weeping in my arms. I implored her to tell me what the matter could be. That’s when she blurted out that she hates herself because she loves me but whenever we have s3x, she thinks of him.
She went on to plead for forgiveness, telling me, not for the first time, that the guy is hung like a donkey. I was devastated.
Please help me, Aunt Magda
—A.K., Nairobi
Aunt Magda
Dear A.K.
Firstly, I commend you for the courage to come out and seek for help. Usually men do not know how to cope with betrayal, especially when it emanates from the bedroom.
Thank you for being candid.
Now to the raw truth. You lost it in 2018 when you did not follow up and get details about your wife’s pregnancy. Am not suggesting you should have carried out a DNA test to get conclusive proof but you should have found closure on the matter by either proving the child was yours or her ex’s.
As you say, you did not want to know the painful truth. Running away from that painful truth has ruined many marriages.
The best way to deal with cases of infidelity is to face them head-on. You could sleep that much easier knowing she had cheated on you and whether you consciously wanted to proceed with that relationship or not.
From the way you carry your pain it appears you have resolved to forgive her. What you have to deal with now is the reality of your s3x life.
Women are not porn addicts but no matter how much a marriage counselor will convince you that it’s not the size but the passion that matters, truth be told, women like it big.
She confessed that her ex is hung like a horse, add that to the first love romantic fantasy and you are at a disadvantage. From what I can tell you are both in your middle ages (the most active phase) and I would suggest you find ways to pep up your s3x life.
Be imaginative; go out there and experiment.
For additional confidential information on how to do that we will send you an email.
You can now ask Aunt Magda those nagging, personal relationship problems that you are too embarrassed to discuss anywhere else. Here we find a solution together and nothing is ever too shocking, intimate or personal to discuss.
Dear Aunt Magda
WhatsApp: 0733602750
Email: dalaweekly@gmail.com
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